TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
