So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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