She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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