Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
