I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
