Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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