if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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