her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
