Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
