just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
