It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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