You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize