She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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