No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
