if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
