Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
