in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How's work?
Spinning.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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