Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
