I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
