John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
