we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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