billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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