Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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