I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
