I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
