True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
