Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
