I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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