You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
