i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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