Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
