Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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