We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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