apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
