no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
