I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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