she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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