Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
