I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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