Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I love black thongs
This is not my ceiling
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
