i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
