I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
