I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
