just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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