do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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