hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
