i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize