So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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