All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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