Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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