True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
