with your own penis?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
