I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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