omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Duck Duck Cougar?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
