zippers are such a cool invention
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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