Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
