omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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