Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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