What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
