eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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