She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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