the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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