Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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