I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
