so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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