So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
