i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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