Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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