Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
