Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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