It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
