i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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